My Anecdotes

A Quick Note

Wow, I've had an amazing, hectic week! I love being so busy! Anyway, my busyness has delayed my blogging. I noticed that when I changed the main feature/template for my blog, my comments link disappeared. Now, I'm contemplating whether I should re-institute the link or just leave as is, since I do intend to be switching my blog's URL or re-start a different blog altogether. In the mean time, email me at nefesh2002@yahoo.com, especially if you're interested in updates on this matter.

Thanks and Chag Purim Sameach!

In the proces of making changes

Something I recently learned from the teachings of Emmanuel Kant- (not an exact quote)

treat people as an ends, not as a means to an ends

To some, this is probably not a great revelation or anything. Its the sort that could be written in some type of midot tovot/ethics book like good old pirkei avot. But what could i say, it struck a cord within me when i recently heard this. Too many of us have done the latter at some point or another - take advantage of what a person has to offer in the hopes that he or she will improve you in some manner - we've done it with teachers, maybe a rav, or a friend even. Yet, one thing life has taught me so far is that we must appreciate people for who they are. Sounds simple.

va'ani bahashem azapeh ohila le'elokei yish`i, yishma`eini 'elokai. 'al tismehi oyavti li ki nafalti kamti, ki eshev bahosheh, Hashem ORLI --Miha

Mazel Tov to Yehoshua and Nava on the birth of their beautiful, sweet daughter
Orli Bina Malka!

Sperber on P’sak Halacha

P'sak Halacha = governing Jewish law. A quite complex subject. Some thoughts to consider below:

In his opening statements, Rabbi Daniel Sperber described Halacha as “sensitive to people” and “client friendly.” Halacha is supposed to be “Noam” or pleasant rather than a burden – “derachecha darchei noam ubehol netivoteha shalom.” According to Sperber, these are the “basic principles that govern halacha and they are person related.”

Sperber continued to present the classic examples of hefsek merubah, agunah, and mamzer:
(1) “hefsek meruba” – refers to the concept of trying to find a halachik solution that would not cause one a monetary loss.
(2) “agunah” – a woman who may not remarry because either her husband will not give her a “get” (a bill of divorce) or her husband’s whereabouts remain unknown. In the latter case, therefore, there is a rabbinic willingness to accept hearsay as opposed to direct testimony as well as written evidence in order to be sensitive to the woman’s position and allow her to remarry.
(3) “mamzer” – a bastard. In the event that a woman leaves her husband for 12 months and returns with a baby, the child is not considered a mamzer. Rather, it is assumed that the woman had been pregnant for 12 months!

An issue of semantics presents itself here. Sperber’s description mentioned above is quite honorable and even ideal. Yet, perhaps his definition is what we would like to believe about halacha. Based on the “classic examples” it appears that it is rather the halachik system (which alone is hard to define – maybe a mix of laws, rabbinic authorities, interpretations, followers, etc.) rather than the actual “halacha/law” that is “client friendly.” It is this system that seeks ways to maneuver around an uncomfortable halacha or one that appears to be insensitive and unclient friendly. (This also characterizes the BEAUTY in the system). Another way to view this – sometimes the “spirit of the law” supersedes the “letter of the law” OR mitzvoth of Kavod haBriot and principles of "shalom," "noam," prevails over other mitzvoth.

I would like to leave off with Sperber's notion that "[Deracheia Darchei Noam and Kavod haBriot] are the basis and foundations of our halacha and in our rabbinic institutions we should affirm these principles and re instate these principles..."
In addressing why these "principles" have not yet been re-instated, Sperber states, "People do not have sufficient courage to make independent statements."

Boy Says to Girl - ?

At the request of a certian individual, I'm publicizing this story -

Two girls, H and N, walk into a facility located in the YU campus area and sit down at a table when boy Y walks up to girl N saying something of the like - "I've noticed that you live in my building." Girl N responds, "Yes...but I will be moving tomorrow, actually." Some more brief words are exchanged between the two and then boy Y takes a seat next to his buddy. As girls H and N are exiting the facility, boy Y expediently approaches girl N exclaiming, "Can I help you with your move?"

Impressed by boy Y's forthrightness, girl H later says to girl N, "there's a guy with some pizzazz!"

And I would add, "what a gentlman too!" But, on the other hand, was this really completely unexpected behavior? Why does this come as a surprise to some? It appears that in certain settings a majority of the guys become quite inhibited. What appeared as abnormal, but commendable, in boy Y's behavior towards girl N, is actually quite normal. Boys (and everyone)- be proud, courageous, confident - it will get you places.

When Authority Breaks Down: Abuse...

The subject of sexual abuse was the implicit topic of the conference’s second day opening plenary on “Abuse of power.” Without its explicit mention, Rabbi Blau first alluded to the Lanner affair when he spoke of the Beit Din’s past “failure” dealing with an abusive rabbi. He moved on to discuss the general “flaws” of the beit din system, which does not allow the victim to act as a witness and necessitates an eyewitness while “most abusers do not commit the act in front of witnesses.”

Citing to “Lo Ta’amod al dam re’eha,” Rabbi Blau emphasized one’s duty to inform the authorities of a known abuser. Rabbi Blau stated that “its our obligation to prevent the sociopath from hurting anyone else.” Likewise, Rabbi Dratch maintained that informing the secular authorities of an abusive rabbi, or anyone else for that matter, is not considered “Mesirah” but rather, an “obligation” because “the Jewish community does not have the ability to handle this situation.” R’ Dratch confirmed that the RCA recently adopted this policy of reporting abusers at the last RCA conference. He explained how many misuse the concept of “Lashon haRa” to silence the victim and said, “Lashon HaRa is not prohibited” for the purposes of preventing the person from recommitting the act and in order to heal the victim. Moreover, he continued to state, “this is a Hilul Hashem to keep it quiet.”

Rabbi Blau’s final words concerned the “broader Jewish community” and how Jofa must work together with the entire community on this issue. How ironic that Rabbi Blau specifically referred to Chovevei Torah in juxtaposition with this statement, but omitted any mention of Yeshiva University's Riets. There was a lot of talk about raising the community’s awareness on this issue and training leaders of our communities on how to handle the issue. I would imagine that an institution, such as YU Riets., which is training about five hundred young men as rabbis, would (no should!) be included in this effort. But, the first step would be for these young prospective rabbis to attend such a conference, as Jofa, which highlighted the issue (not just in the plenary but through dialogue in subsequent sessions). Yet, there was an extreme lack of YU rabbinical students (not to mention roshei yeshiva) – based on my observations, two YU rabbinical students attended and one YU undergrad attended, as part of “press” for YU’s HaMevaser magazine. This left myself pondering whether it is even possible for Jofa to work together with the YU institution.

R’Blau referred to other commendable existing organizations, such as Jewish Women International, working to train social workers and communal leaders to better handle abusive situations, and to other newly created groups within the community which include women leaders, such as his wife, Dr.Rivka Blau.

quick note -

Although I found the openness to discuss certain topics as noteworthy (i.e. with regard to the accountability of abusers, kriat ha-torah, P'sak halacha, etc.) at jofa, What is depressing is this quite "gradual" process by which it takes for some issues to be publicized or even acted upon.

JOFA

After a short hiatus, i will indulge myself to blog on my blog...JOFA is the lucky topic.....

Between attending Edah and JOFA conferences over the past 3-4 years, I was initially uncertain whether this year's JOFA conference, themed "women and men in partnership," would add anything new. Throughout the past two days I attended selected sessions and plenaries and discovered that a couple of workshops were a positive addition to the cause. In my upcoming posts (when i have another couple of minutes), I intend to briefly comment on the following lectures/discussions: Y.U's R. Yosef Blau and R.Mark Dratch on Abuse, R.Dov Linzer on Chovevi Torah and the Future of Jewish Leadership, Rachel Lev More on "Tov l'Meitav tan doo..." and "feminine solitude," and R. Daniel Sperber on P'sak Halacha.

A side point. A number of people, upon hearing the mention of "Jofa" or rather, Jewish Feminism, quickly envision "angry and bitter" women. (Actually that was the exact reaction of a certain individual when he learned I attended the conference) What I find particularly disturbing is that such statements are often spoken by people who are somewhat ignorant about the organization. A big difference exists between "angry/bitter" and frustration, sadness, concern, and conscientiousness over important issues, affecting a large portion (if not all) of the orthodox Jewish community, that have been neglected by the community in past years. Notably, as some prominent Jofa speakers put it - it is these womens' deep respect for authority and tradition that compells them to raise discussion within the framework of halacha.